Oct 15, 2012
unbelievably loud and incredibly painful.
i would like to see myself as a good person, a kind person, a lovely person. there're so many personas i'd like to take on. i hoped that i would turn out good. i hoped that i would grow up to be a person that makes as little mistakes as possible. i hoped that i would not be as screwed up as the rest of the human population at large. i hoped that when it is my turn to become an adult, i would not make the same stupid decisions as the adults that i saw during my childhood. i hoped that there would be something different about me. i wished fervently that i would hurt the least amount of people possible. i thought that i will be able to avoid doing the very things i have scoffed at six years ago. i marveled at the moronic tendencies of some people, and knew that i would never be the same as them. i wondered at the problematic mechanism that happened between their ears. i thought that i wouldn't have the same faulty gears.
hello, ugly person.
so cold. and cruel.
i don't know what happened.
i do try. which i failed. maybe not yet, but near. very very near.
you don't understand what i'm doing. just wait. just... wait. the end is not here yet.