Oct 23, 2012

the Bagginses... it steals my Precious....



oops sorry misplaced spine on capslock.

my long holiday has does me wonders, here's a well thought out essay hot off the printing presses of my hedgehoggy brain:

Gollum is placed quite high on my "List of Very Sad Creatures".

He used to be a hobbit, but like any mortal, fell under the spell of the Ring.

and murdered (something unheard of in nice-hobbit world) his cousin who found the Ring first.

He lived under the spell of the Ring for many many years, lurking in darkness, always in fear of people finding him out, always in fear of losing his Precious, always, always, alwaysss...

He forgot who he used to be, eating eyeless white flabby fishes in the dark with his hands.

He could not let go of his Precious; it became all he is.

When his Precious was taken by Bilbo Baggins, it finally uprooted him from the caves to the outside world, braving the sunlight, unknown elements, dangers, just to find it.

When he found it on Frodo, Gollum followed Frodo to Mordor, bit off Frodo's finger when he realized that Frodo meant to destroy his Precious, and smiled in happiness as he was reunited with his Precious at last before death, falling into the Cracks of Doom.

Can you imagine that? loving something for so long, when the thing is so toxic so as to change your core as a human, going through all for it, then finally dying with it. is this worth it?

Throughout the whole Lord of the Rings, Tolkien described various treasures that Middle Earth has to offer. Lovely woods of the Elves, earthly magic of Tom Bombadil, Beorn's flower fields (the honey! yum), the impressive caves and mines of the Dwarves, and many, many more. How could it be that Gollum could only see the simple gold band as his everything?

How sad is it that one gave up so much for something so small?  

All Gollum did was a common mistake that all humans do at one time or another; the inability to let go.

luckily we hedgehogs don't have that problem.

When something becomes your all, it literally becomes EVERYTHING.

whatever you do, you do for it.

whatever you see, you will only see things that are related to it.

whatever you hear, you will only hear about it.

it might not necessarily be an object, creatures are all too easy to become the center of one's life too.

i know hedgehogs are cute, there's no need to pay so much attention to us.

anyway, the phenomenon described above is something like selective attention.

you will only select things that you want to know.

which will be things related to what you have put at the center of your life.

you ignore everything else that tells you otherwise.

can digest?

example: you want buy car. everything related to car, you will notice. brochures, billboards, posters, newspaper ads, neighbour driving car. your attention is selectively concentrated on things you want.

on a more serious level, you start ignoring motorbikes, lorries, buses, tuk-tuks.

then you say "motorbikes actually exist?"


ok lah lame example. but that's the gist. try to apply what i have just said in your life. lol.

oftentimes i notice people around me, all trying to get on my "List of Sad Creatures".

i feel immense sadness for them.

putting something unsuitable as the center of your life is plain suicide.

money. material. people.

acorns, daisies, lettuces.

all too unreliable. all too easy to disappoint.

(only God doesn't change and loves you forever, you know, even i will hate you someday. but that's another story for another day)

i have made some very bad decisions lately, and became a bad testimony to others around me.


apart from that, i saw a frightening passion to destroy oneself.

i hope this is not too late.

do you get what i'm talking about?


that, is the moral of the story.

you lose your relationships, your friends, your family, your life. you have to hide, escape, cry.

is that worth it? really??

damn this is something that i feel strongly about. everything is about yourself. the world revolves around you. your feelings are the most important in this matter. all you want is a car. you refuse to believe that vans are perfectly capable of travelling. you think others are lying when they tell you to buy a bike instead of a car. you throw tantrums. you tell the whole world that THERE ARE NO BIKES. you believe that everyone is out to get you. short of throwing trains into the sea, nothing can satisfy you. don't drive lorries! they are bad! drive cars! must drive cars like me!

(for what humans insist on driving iron things on smelly rubber wheels is beyond me. 4 paws for the win.)

two words:

grow up.


and i digress: a different perspective. guess it works wonders. hoped you learned something. love you :)

p.s: i hope my popularity level doesn't go down after this naggy post. will be back soon. joyseet waking up already. at 12:45pm! she's in hibernation mode most of these days, hence more chances to increase my posts keke.

Oct 15, 2012

unbelievably loud and incredibly painful.

i would like to see myself as a good person, a kind person, a lovely person. there're so many personas i'd like to take on. i hoped that i would turn out good. i hoped that i would grow up to be a person that makes as little mistakes as possible. i hoped that i would not be as screwed up as the rest of the human population at large. i hoped that when it is my turn to become an adult, i would not make the same stupid decisions as the adults that i saw during my childhood. i hoped that there would be something different about me. i wished fervently that i would hurt the least amount of people possible. i thought that i will be able to avoid doing the very things i have scoffed at six years ago. i marveled at the moronic tendencies of some people, and knew that i would never be the same as them. i wondered at the problematic mechanism that happened between their ears. i thought that i wouldn't have the same faulty gears.


hello, ugly person.

so cold. and cruel.

i don't know what happened. 

i do try. which i failed. maybe not yet, but near. very very near.
you don't understand what i'm doing. just wait. just... wait. the end is not here yet.

Oct 13, 2012

it was a cloudy and windy morning.

we happily got on a bus! 

part of chiu ling's project was a campaign called "We Love We Care". 

it's about college students giving back to society.  so their group planned car washes, old clothes collection and stuff to raise funds for the needy. 

they also planned to visit an orphanage!

human beings are like that. they dont mind giving money or "liking" a page. 

what they mind is, spending their time. 

so chiu ling had some difficulty finding people to attend the campaign :( 

luckily at the last minute some kind hearted people turned up :D 

slight traffic jam and rainy weather. we reached seremban at 10:30. the rain was no more! 

Ian was there already. the kids were jumping and shouting "hello! hello!" at us the moment we got off the bus. celebrity moment weih. hahah. actually i was feeling kinda disoriented due to lack of sleep and it's been a loooong while since i really spent time with kids. 

after a brief ice breaking session where the kids had a competition to see who could remember the most college students' names, we started off with games!
hahahahh tracy's face so epic
punishment time! singing negaraku. they know their lyrics real well! 
the little girl i'm holding up is called Dona (at least, that's what she spelled for me hahah), and chiuling kept forgetting the name of the other girl. HAHA. she's 12. that's all i could remember :(

Game 2: where we learnt our hardest lesson of the day: DON"T PLAY WITH FLOUR. 
santa claus is coming~~
this boy! cant remember his name either @@ we call him kungfu panda lol. he knows 6 languages! 

the aftermath of the flour fight. aah. while we try to clean up, the kids have their tea time. 
flour and water is the scariest combination. 
couldn't clean properly though. they kept running about and the flour water and stuff just mixed up in one fat grey goo all over the place. AAAAAAAGH. 
so i gave it up and went for refreshments. 

it's actually very easy to talk to them. they are happy, they are active, and they seem pretty well behaved to me. Ian had been coming here with his church members regularly so his first words of advice to us were "just talk to them, they love chatting". so during tea time i took him up on that advice. so interesting to see us college kids interacting with the kids. 
tracy's the funniest. they call her crazy. HAHAHAHAHAHAH. 
and some koala action.
this is chiuling's biggest sadness. she called her "AUNTY". HAHAHAHAAHHA. but also hung on to her la. laugh die me. 

 got this kid who actually initiated a conversation with me! he asked me about what sports do i play. and off we go. turned out he played badminton, basketball, football, fustal, lompat tinggi, lompat jauh, taekwondo, etc etc etc. the vigors of youth, it seems. 13 years old, with all different choices open to him! if you see carefully in this pic, you can see selene promoting volleyball club and i'm teaching the kid in blue how to dig properly. HAHAHA.
selene got love letters! i'm jeles. 
group photo for report-writing purposes :)

finally a lady came out and got the kids to go in. 
with the kids out of the way, finally we could get to cleaning the whole place properly. here's the professed househusband in action! ladies take note. 
it was a very short visit. just a few hours of games, talking, and eating. the kids were really easy to talk to, and seem mature for their age. heard that they weren't allowed out often so our visit was a welcome distraction i guess. 

one thing i hated about visiting homes for the needy is.... we can't really do this on a long-term basis. but these once-off visits did nothing much for them. the kids got to know you, they started to love you, then you just disappear. 

isn't that kind of... cruel? 

heard some research about this before. but can't remember the details already. 

i guess the only good thing that we've done is ... brighten up their saturday morning loh. and gave them some presents. 
the girls! 

a group pic for the project members. 

keep up the good work guys!! 

This time travel crap, just fries your brain like an egg...

it was a fateful night. the teammates and i went for this movie right after a volleyball match. so everyone was slightly tired out but still very ON. anyway, basically i'm the person who recommended this movie. 

as per usual, we were late. 

another 10 minutes into the movie, i could hear sounds of "huh?", "what just happened??", "why ah?!" 

and then: 

"who chose this movie?"


my deepest apologies, boys and girls. 

 Looper was one of the most interesting movies that i have seen in theatres for the past few years. Sadly i didn't catch Inception. But this was the closest to making me think. Apart from it's horrible-to-pronounce title, (Looper sounded A LOT like Lupa in Malay!) the director managed to tell a good story on a unique premise. 

My first encounter of time travel in movies is (of course!) Back to the Future, and back then my cranial capacity wasn't up to considering the possible loopholes and logical problems to the concept of time travel.

But being quite a fan of Joseph Gordon Levitt (he has good choice in movies), of course i had to watch this! actually i was slowly converted into a fan after watching so many good stories that he acted in. heheh.

just, didn't expect Looper to be such a heavy movie. we went at a wrong time. tired, and late at night samor. should watch something like Hotel Transylvania instead. i couldn't sleep after that. kept tossing and turning and figuring out reasons for some of my doubts in the movie.

anyway, if you haven't done your research on this movie, it's basically about organized murders who utilize time travel. so the employed killers are called Loopers, and they are highly paid in the world of 2044. 

how are they paid? with bars of silver strapped to the backs of their victims, who are sent back by time travel. All the loopers have to do is turn up at the designated spot at the designated time and pull the trigger with a fat gun when the hooded victim appears. then dispose of the body. 

sounds easy enough? 

here's the catch. 

one day, they will kill a victim with gold bars strapped to its back. 

that means that this victim is actually their own selves in the future. i believe the term is called "Closing the Loop". 

Anyway, all of these just creates a very interesting setting for the movie. 
Apart from the very good looking leads such as JGL with weird prosthetics to make him look more Bruce Willis (actually i think he looks really good with a thicker jaw! hahah), there is also the real Bruce Willis and Emily Blunt.
The thing i liked most about this movie is its ability to ignore the irritating details about time travel and just give the audience a very very good story to make them think. just read a few reviews and spoiler discussions about the movie.

People, Looper is not a documentary about time-travel. you can find that in National Geographic. it's a movie. from Hollywood. stop nitpicking! :P

there are a lot of WHAT THE X JUST HAPPENED moments throughout. 

too many unexpected developments and twists and turns, its really difficult to predict what will happen next.

better just to sit back and relax. hahaha but i closed my eyes at quite a lot of the parts lo.

movies rated 18 are a bit too queasy for me :(
the director threw questions about choice, how it affects others, and basically, what it means to be human. 

would you do this for the sake of that? 

is that really justified? 

there's a scene in the diner (picture above) where the old Joe tells the young Joe that one day he will meet a girl that is gonna change his life, clean his act and change him for the better. 

old Joe thought that he became good. 

but throughout the movie, he felt that killing the Rainmaker (future mob boss which causes all this trouble)
 when he's still a kid would solve his problems once and for all. 

some people do have the most twisted logic. selfishness to a frightening extent that he would kill 3 kids based on some random clue to get his wife and life back. 

is that really justified? is that really considered as "good"? 

while the young Joe which is portrayed as selfish at the beginning, finally choses the route that enables him to be the good man that he always wanted to be. 

which brings me to. i kinda wonder how my future self in 30 years would be like. 

by then i would be 51 years old. 

probably slathering anti aging masks. lol

although it was a tad bit too violent for me, for example the scene of Joe's fellow Looper who let his older self escape and what happened after that, but it was essential for the plot i guess. 

when they caught the older self and someone said "bring a doctor", liz turned to me and asked "why bring a doctor??"

i had no idea. and was too engrossed in the story then. 

but after that, late at night on my bed, i just realized that with a doctor, they know how to incapacitate the person and make him last till the older self reaches the building in the designated time. 

what the hell weih. 

i hate movies who do this. they don't show you the violence. 

they hint. 

and it's enough to set the imagination wilddddd. 


Bruce Willis had a couple of Expendables moments. gun toting, unlimited bullets,  fires ablazing etc. suits him. 
 they have some very good imagery also! the future world looks believable! 

very good attention to details. 

in short: a work with dedication, with minimal special effects. goodness knows how to find a movie like that nowadays.

anyway, go watch it! in broad daylight! and an open mind!

and do your research beforehand. HAHAH.

a few lame stuff i found. you'll understand it. i thought of the exact same things weihhh XD

bye! it's a beautifully rainy saturday :D

Oct 12, 2012

to regret or to regret.

hahah! in case you're wondering, there's nothing wrong with the title of this post. there's a couple of terms in chinese, which we had been debating over lately. 

the theory of "regret and regret". in chinese, there's a term called 遗憾, and another term called 后悔. 

initially i thought that both meant regret, but gordon attached new meaning to them! 

for the former, 遗憾 represented the emotion you experience when you have done something. the results might not be what you want, but at least you tried. for example, chasing the girl of your dreams. so if you managed to get her and live happily ever after, but the relationship didn't work out at the end, at least you can tell yourself, I TRIED. 

for the latter, 后悔 is the feeling of extreme regret because you didn't even try at all. for example, the girl of your dreams. you saw her, you let her pass you by. and 50 years later, you still live in regret for not taking action. 


anyway, that's his theory which he applied to almost everything. sounds legit? 

so uh, this week i've made some very weird decisions and choices. which i don't have time to dwell on for the moment. tomorrow will be MAPCU! my first and last private uni volleyball tournament to witness. get the gold babeh! and training was supposed to be on tonight. but since the rain (more like hurricane) was too much for us, we decided to go for massage and dinner! 

for a few weeks, i've been unable to sleep well, and always woke up hot and bothered. and the "tightness" around my shoulders been getting more and more serious, a bit hard for me to bear. 

wilson bought us to a tiny place near cyberjaya starbucks. quiet and cool, with a few experienced masseurs with traditional chinese medicine knowledge. the problem i had was tight shoulder muscles. what else? first world problem mah. bad posture, spent too much time with laptop, etc etc. 

felt so relaxed and comfortable after my shoulder & back session! i paid rm30 for that, which is quite expensive compared to those rm10 sessions at chiang mai's night market. but this one more worth it bah, cause it's more detailed and comfortable :D

bunbun went for the rm50 full body massage and liz got her knee "healed" with the leg massage. not exactly healed, just felt significantly better after the massage. that girl ah, can't event climb stairs properly due to her knee problems! and the guy can even know that she had back pains just from massaging her legs! bagus treatments. 

since this is my second time trying out massage and my first time in Malaysia, it's actually a fun experience! got satisfying "KRAAK" sounds when the masseuse pushed down on my back. the spine KRAAKS in various places heheheh. 

then after my session and we're waiting for bun's to finish, i just sat there and relaxed. felt as if someone put a warm towel on my back and shoulders. SO COMFY! 


its been a very random day. woke up to do some photoshop work for a friend, domino's, karaoke-ing, massage sessions, dinner, banana shopping... ... 

i have exactly 2 months left to live the life of a useless university student. to regret or to regret?? 

my back is still warm now. looking forward to a good night's sleep~

Goodnight!!! :D

Oct 9, 2012

crunch time.

as usual, when i go through the files in my laptop and realize that i have a whole chunk of backlogged photos everywhere, it's time to write about em'. heheh. and if you know me well enough, i also blog when i'm overwhelmed with assignments. 

so there. about two months to go in my final semester, so far so good. come to think of it, i'm already losing interest in this place. 

during janvy's farewell, she said "i'm already sick of this place". 

it was a hurtful statement, in a way. 

but now i totally get her. the friends, the people, the everything. is already different. the memories remain, but less and less people understand. the common stories are no more. i don't have the urge to go out and socialise or join as many events as possible. there's only so little time, and some things are best ignored. 

anyway, take less offence. it makes your day better. 

here are some photos taken during break time at work! hehehe. during our very first day, we had no breaks at all, just processed the never-ending cheques for 7 hours straight. or was it 8? 

fatigued, we stumbled to a hawker centre for chee cheong fun after work. 

i wished with all my heart to have break times from that day onwards. 

and it came true! i hated breaks from then on. HAHAHA. all we do is drain the vending machine. 

neon coral nails for a lovely distraction! (i am more productive with colorful nails, trust me)
hahaha. no idea why i took this. wanted to experiment with the macro mode gua. this was an oversized cardigan thingy i got from Cotton On for rm30! 

came in use for the freezing office environment :D 

and then hor. apart from the wonderful lamb briyani, one day we decided to give ourselves a little treat! 

after video recording for my contest, and then dinner!
the place where we work is very near to 1U, so i was having (what's new?) cravings for waffles. heheh. this digs up memories of high school, where we would take the bus to the train station, then transfer trains to damansara, then take a taxi to 1U. the semangatnessssss. i can't imagine. 

then we will always end up at waffle world for lunch. 

then came the era where everyone got their driving license. so that's the end of my public transport life. lol. 

i only order cold milk when i'm at 1U waffle world :D some places serve it with ICE. (wah just noticed that this sentence is so freaking #firstworldproblem! forgive me, masses.)

i have this tendency to overestimate my stomach capacity, and end up ordering too much food. which is such a waste! then the guilt from wasting food and money affects me so much, it became a turn off. so about this time, i started rationing my orders and food intake. 

lol took me 21 years and a job to realize that eh. 

but the waffle with walnuts and banananaaaas are so worth it :9

worth every single kg gained on the scale.


then came the buy-one-free-one ramadan offer. it was a long story, but we managed to get a really really good deal out of it. 

i was an innocent bystander! promise! 

and they got 4 starbucks for the price of 1. 

no idea how they did it. most probably with the help of blur baristas. :/

and this! the girl whom i spent practically every moment of the month! liz yap hong li i owe you a lottt ah. how shall i ever repay you. 
stayed at her house due to unreasonable transport expenses. so i see her when i wake up, go to work together, sit next to each other during work, eat together, play Plants versus Zombies together, see her before i sleep..... @@
 nah. have all those starbuckses to yourself!

one of the most precious friendships gained during my uni life.

*hmmmm. just came back from a random but wonderful yamcha session.


i would really miss INTI when the time comes :(
what to do.
at odds with myself.

alrighty. enjoy every single remaining moment until i leave, that is!

Oct 8, 2012

first world problems!!

People are like stained-glass windows. 
They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, 
but when the darkness sets in,
their true beauty is revealed only if there is light from within. 

- Elisabeth Kübler-Ross

rants, complaints, dissatisfactions.
ah. growing up in Malaysia has given me one of the most important lessons in life:

make the best of what you have.

as a kid, seeing different things in life and developing my cognitions, i noticed that there is an obvious difference between us and the others.

take for example. there were only 4 french horns in the band, and as the youngest you have to work hard to be able to use them. if not, use the crappy and rusty Eflat horns. so i worked hard, paid my dues, and finally i was able to use the coveted yamaha intermediate french horns. out of the four, there is a new one, and an okay one, then two very old ones. so i used the old ones for 2 years until my seniors graduated and i was able to use the new ones. it was an achievement and milestone for me.

actually, our school band is like that, famous for tone color and harmony, but we have kinda crappy instruments. what to do. have to raise funds and stuff just to buy normal instruments, which will have to last for 20 years under student use HAHAHA.

on my fifth year, we went to Singapore for a band tour for the second time. in NYJC, we visited the school band room, with around five lovely french horns on their chairs. it is obvious that those instruments were miles better than ours, and a try on the instrument proved me right. really rich tones without much effort needed.

when i commented on "wow, you guys have really good instruments", the section leader said that these were actually their old instruments(only used for two years) and the new ones will arrive soon.


very different from our used for 10 years or more instruments and no change in sight.

growing up in Malaysia, i have absorbed the fact that you won't be provided with the best resources, but you'll have to make the best of what you have been given.

true that, they give us low standard of materials and yet expect world standard results. this is obviously not the best deal in the world, but what can you do?

make the best of it lah.

how to put it leh. from point A to point B, there're 2 things. first there's the bridge, then there's you yourself.

if the bridge is provided, all you learn is how to walk over to point B.

if there's no bridge, you will learn how to make the leap.

don't expect others to build the bridge; they never will; they're too busy worrying about their own shit.

in spite of the injustice, in spite of the irrationality, in spite of the ignorance,
do you have the inner light within?