Dec 29, 2011

from bullets to bandages

it takes certain incidents to jolt you awake and take a look at what really matters. for the whole day i had been hankering after 'sherlock holmes--a game of shadows'. wanted to watch it for such a long time and it had been my fault for not going out with them when they asked me along. so now i'm left high and dry without anyone to watch it with and i absolutely (i repeat, absolutely) refuse to watch movies alone. i'm asian and proudly belong to a collective society and i am constantly in craving of human company especially in movies where i need someone to dispense my commentary upon heheh.
i know that i shouldn't be so.. disappointed when everyone else i know here are busy with their own lives and i was lifelessly on facebook waiting for someone to poach and drag to the movies with me. forgive my desperateness but it had been months since i last stepped into the cinema and i needed that dark claustrophobic space with too loud music and terrible popcorn badly.
i am aware that i shouldn't be so... dissatisfied with the mere lack of movies since there are wayy more unfortunate beings in this dreary world who are worrying about their next meal or where they gonna sleep. but still.
and with my phone kidnapped by grace who was out ice-skating, i had no idea how to contact those friends who presumably appear offline on facebook. so, i finally gave up facebooking after getting my face splashed with cold water from my many friends who have much better things in their life to do than go watch sherlock holmes with me.
i decided to get a life, have breakfast, and read a book. heheh. midway through my book, the theory of :"when you stop wanting something, you get it" became true. shing yi actually called me at home, (miracles of miracles! since no one actually calls for me at home) and got me out for  movies yeeeah! but pyramid was stuffed full when we got there, the line for movie tickets was at least 100 metres long. malaysians y u chose today to watch movies? so we had to postpone the movie to another day sadly and went for lunch. but me no give up and finally we went to another cinema in the night so finally i get to watch my precious holmes hehehe.
anyway, grace told mom that she's staying over at sukkie's house for the night so i had no qualms about my younger sister staying over at a friend's house albeit it was kinda last minute news and left me with no phone for another day.
maybe it was the books i had been reading. those books which describe kidnappings in detail and how those corpses look like abandoned in cars and how the families hurt for ages... ... its always what you have been exposed to in recent times that tend to leap out when something happens. normal, i guess. like a doctor who had been reading up on rare disease X will tend to diagnose the patient correctly with rare disease X. the patient who had went to countless doctors who failed to give the correct prognosis and was on the verge on giving up.
my imagination went into overdrive and those scary descriptions in recent books i read didn't help in that situation either. neither did my elder sis who mumbled that she had no idea where is my younger sis and i should call my phone to find out. sleepy people are always useless. me in sleeping state can testify to that. how can it be that my sister who proclaimed to be at sukkie's house yet sukkie asked me where is grace? and why is my phone dead when i called it?

countless scenarios.
earnest prayers.
lots of muttered swearing.
heart petrified.
quickened breathing.
sick. with worry.
trying to have faith in God.
hoping nothing was wrong.

and finally rewarded with a 'LOL WHY SO SERIOUS'.

maybe it was the LOL who did it.
or those capital letters shouting at me.
or the relief of finding out that the baby sister was indeed safe.
or i'd been taken in.

you do realize that this wasn't something that can be treated as a joke, right?

i've always read the story of 'the boy who cried wolf' with a quiet horror. of the coldness human beings are capable of. did you ever imagine what happened the morning after the third time the boy cried wolf? imagine the regret, the realization that something very wrong has happened, and who had stood by and let it happen? is the boy's mischievousness justifiable for his death while the villagers had ignored it in cold blood? maybe i'm a freak, but i did not want to end up like the villagers, having to account for their actions. nothing, nothing can justify their actions. they might live in guilt their whole lives. i do not want to end up someone like that. that story has always been a warning for me. not the kid raising the false alarm, but the villagers who had become lazy. i don't agree with the theory that worry of being tricked is reason enough to ignore pleas for help. it does not give you permission to join the darker side. that's just a lazy person talking. so you let the fire die in you, after 2 measly times of being extinguished. is that all you have? aren't you a stronger person who can withstand waves of challenges? don't give up, whatever happens.

and dear boys who cried wolf out there, stop being stupid. you proved nothing.

i'm not sure why i'm so touchy about the subject. i don't think anyone likes it when played for a fool, and especially on someone i truly care about. i have often wondered what my reaction would be if a family member died (forgive my gruesomeness) but i'm unable to come up with a proper reaction. then comes the question of 'am i that friking cold-blooded?'. ha ha. so tonight something of that scenario has happened(albeit a fake one) and i'm relieved to say that i have feelings like everyone else.

whatever truly matters.

movies? popcorn? having fun?

measly in comparison.

i'm wide awake.


  1. Sorry for not watching it with you babe, but glad that you've finally watched it after so many incidents! :D

  2. Well, your post reveals your caring heart for your loved ones and that is indeed heart warming. Sometimes you just gotta teach the babies to establish a proper communication before they start carried away with fun.

    And, yeah! Sherlock Holmes was really awesome!!! If you hadn't watched, I could've gone again with you tmr!!! Nyeh hyek hyek