Oct 17, 2011

I Shall...

spring clean.

it doesn't feel good when others imply that you are a bad influence, right? i've always had a phobia of aunties. because i'm kinda wild as a kid, running up and down, doing very ungirlish stuff... so sometimes i can feel disapproving glances thrown my way, or sense it in the aunties' tone of voices. sometimes i feel like a plague. it might be all in my imagination, but i think when its my turn to become an 'aunty', i will watch my words, and remember how it felt as a kid.

words do have power.

now i'm all grown up and 'normal', i still remember their disapproval, and i flinch whenever we meet, like a dog that has been beaten by its owner...

whatever. i've had a happy childhood. bleh.

so one day someone told me that it kinda sucks when people see you as a bad influence. memories flood back. so this friend decided to do something about it and change that friend for good. "chose only 2 options out of 5." the 5 were: smoking, drinking, gambling, clubbing, getting a tattoo. so completely out of the blue that 'victim' had to chose ... after a difficult deliberation, to continue clubbing and drinking, but stop gambling, smoking and also drop her plans for a second tattoo.

when we were talking about it last night over supper, we tried to convince her to stop smoking since she had been smoking since age 10, and last year she kind of stopped, but started up again when she came here. @#$%. that's why we were seen as a bad influence, when we never smoked, drank, or gambled! during the 'convincing' session, i admired her courage, but at the same time, i felt ashamed of myself. me too, have many terrible habits.

the real sort of freedom is not the ability to do WHATEVER you want,
but the ability to stop doing something.

you see, everyone had freedom. the freedom to go out for supper whenever they want, the freedom to have sex, the freedom to do crazy stuff, the 'freedom' to sleep as late as you want.

are these things really freedom?

when you find yourself unable to stop doing something, that means that you have been jailed by it. so when people are addicted to smoking, they don't have freedom from cigarettes. or likewise i found myself unable to NOT log in facebook.

that's kinda unhealthy. and just this morning i found out that 2 more friends are trying to quit smoking. good for you guys :)

i shall clear out some stuff from my bad habit wardrobe too! wish me luck :D

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